12 Days of Christmas
Editors Note: For Every Busy, Overworked Woman That Has Had To Face The Holidays....
The First Day of
Christmas: Only 12 more days till Xmas? Goodness how time flies. Made
to-do list. Feeling V. smug.
The Second Day of Christmas: Prioritized to-do list. Called V. best friend
and arranged to go shopping. Confidence of knocking off most of the gifts
in one day? V. high.
Third Day of Xmas: Met with V. best friend and listened to her cry for
four hours about married lover/boss. Sigh. Only bought one gift and that
was when escaping to the bathroom.
Fourth Day of Xmas: Getting a little tired of this darn list. I have a
life to live, you know? In other news, office party coming up. Need new
dress.
Fifth Day, Xmas: Left bloody list somewhere in the house. I don’t
have time for this.
Sixth Day: Starting to get a bit panicky about all of this. Sent kids
and useless spouse out to get tree. They bought back 15 footer. Had to
saw off top, little Suzie cried for two hours. Perfect end to a miserable
day.
Seventh Day: Spent entire day waiting for electrician. Hubby blew a fuse
trying to light tree. Will kill spouse if he tries to so much as hang
one single ornament.
Eighth Day: Spent all day shopping for a dress. Ended up wearing six year
old black velvet pants and shoes that always hurt. Not sure how much alcohol
imbibed. May have made a pass at the vice president of marketing. Or his
secretary. Can’t recall which, really.
Ninth Day: Secretary smiling at me all day. Yup. Must have been her. She
is going to be V. upset when she finds out I am not gay. I’m not,
am I? Note to self, sleep with husband more often as I am straight.
Tenth: Spent 18 hours buying gifts and wrapping them. Maxed out all credit
cards in the process. Never did find that stupid list. Hate Xmas. Ignoring
calls from VP’s secretary for days now. Straight is straight. Get
over it. Slept with husband but he’s no great shakes in the sack
these days. It isn’t me, I swear it isn’t.
11th: Christ! I found the list! I HATE that list! Ran to grocery store
and bought $387.56 worth of…something. Spent rest of day trying
to defrost 22 pound frozen turkey. Am praying will receive blowtorch for
Xmas at this point. Am calling for take out as we speak. If hubby makes
a move in bed tonight, I will bitch slap him until he cries like the sissy
faggot he is. The man cannot even plug in tree lights for God’s
sake.
It’s OVER!!: Got drunk, burned list in effigy. Feeling V. smug indeed.
When hangover subsides, will start to work on New Year’s resolutions.
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