33. The breed will keep neighbors at bay…but only when you want to socialize with them.
32. These dogs will covet anything you own the house, the remote control, your best pair of shoes…anything in the house that you need.
31. Eating human food in front of this breed is simply not an option. Unless you know how to share.
30. These canines have an uncanny talent for sleeping until noon.
29. They will ignore really annoying chirping birds and obnoxious scurrying rodents for months, even years, until one day, out of the blue, they will bring you one. In many pieces.
28. Pointers expect endless praise, ref. number 29.
27. Men be very aware; no other breed has the ‘aim’ that these dogs do for a sharp greeting, a la nose in crotch. They never miss.
26. No swimming pool is beyond their reach.
25. No beach ball is beyond their ability to deflate.
24. If you throw something to the bottom of a pool to save it, they will simply scuba dive for it.
23. Owners must learn to drive a vehicle with a 75-pound dog that insists on riding shotgun. In your lap.
22. They are masters of ‘doggus interruptis’. Schedule your trysts according to your pet’s busy social schedule.
21. Their love of water means that you will rarely shower alone. Get used to it.
20. The dogs need unending attention so any thought of going to the bathroom, say, alone, should be given up early on.
19. They are the bane of vets.
18. Vet assistants run screaming for cover when they see them coming.
17. The breed subscribes to the motto, “If it flies, it dies.”
16. Your slippers are fair game.
15. The Animal Planet is the only channel you will be watching.
14. Freshly laundered clothes, warm and right out of the dryer, are not your property. Just get out of the way.
13. Short-haired pointers will fondly remember your idiot ex…and let them into your home with no fuss.
12. Pointers are not cheap….they have their price. And it’s a dog biscuit.
11. Cats are considered mobile aerobic sessions.
10. Fences are for scaling. An annoyed pointer, on a less than average day, can take a 7-foot fence without so much as breaking into a pant.
9. Garden hoses are meant to be vanquished. Give up and have the landscapers install bulletproof sprinklers.
8. Your toddler’s beloved blankie will NOT survive childhood. The dogs’ childhood, not the toddler’s.
7. Ditto for the Teddy Bear.
6. Your Pointer will become a pro at sitting up, rolling over, playing dead, shaking paw but never, EVER heeling while on a walk.
6. Even slightly stale dog food will make this breed vomit continuously for days but an entire birthday cake will go down just….right.
5. All socks will eventually lose their mate. And be chewed to shreds.
4. You will need to sedate them in order to file (never clip) their nails.
3. Getting this breed fixed, no matter how well the actual operation goes, will entail around the clock care for months. This breed knows how to be pampered.
2. This breed is most efficient around food spilling babies. Your floors will never be this clean with any other breed.
1. Steel-toed boots are the only shoes that can protect your feet from the paws of a pointer. They never miss.