More Kennedy...Non News
TheDailyFix
People Magazine is not among our top literary reads but we couldn't resist. After all, the Kennedy's are as close to royalty as America gets. However, what we read was so supposed to be so shocking and newsworthy that we were frankly stunned by the lack of interesting tidbits. Consider the following:
1. John-John's chi, impeccably groomed wife was a coke head. Gee, the woman was six feet tall and weighed in at 120 pounds soaking wet...ya think?
2. The marriage was on the rocks. Golly, gosh, gee, now there's a surprise. A Kennedy with a bad marriage. Somebody ought to call up Teddy and tell him about this.
3. One or both may have been straying in their marriage. Again...gasp. They write this as if a Kennedy has never strayed before. Note to People Magazine staffers, we have two words for you: Marilyn Monroe.
4. The couple had a volatile, often tempestuous relationship. There were fights, screaming matches, storming out of the house...sounds like a regular weekend in suburbia to us.
5. John-John's wife was inexplicably three hours late getting to the plane the fateful day they crashed into the deep blue sea. Nobody can account for her whereabouts....well, shock and surprise to Middle America but there isn't a 12-stepper out there who won't tell you that lost time just sort of goes with the territory of drug abuse. Again, this is such a non piece of news we are searching the pages for news of Aston and Demi just to keep from nodding off.
6. John-John's wife may have taken up with her ex boyfriend, a studly underwear model. Uh, have you actually seen the pecs on that guy? Sorry, John-John but we really couldn't blame her if it was true.
7. John-John was on the verge of leaving his wife. OK, now that's the biggest snoozer of all. If the guy had a brain in his head, and he occasionally seemed to exhibit some intelligence, though nothing compared to his sister, he was eventually going to leave his wife.
8. The so-called public relations professional wife Carolyn Bessette had a real problem adjusting to the media glare. Well, maybe that's because running around at fashion events, staging three hour lunches and getting steep discounts on Prada shoes just might not be the kind of PR that REAL PR people do. Either that or she really did have a serious drug problem and the constant media attention made her even more paranoid than the drugs. Reader's choice.
9. John-John and his wife were apparently flawed, troubled human beings with significant issues. Bottomline, nobody was living happily ever after in Camelot: The New Generation.
Like the British royal family who collectively is as flawed as centuries of in-bred human beings can get, we remain completely and utterly nonplussed by this news. After all, the Kennedy's have been perfecting their screw-ups for generations now. It's sad, regrettable and ultimately, just not newsworthy.
Maybe People should consider doing a feature on Elvis sightings instead.
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