The Most Useless Human Beings On Earth
Editors Note: We at TLL.Net are just fascinated by the latest non-celebrity celebrities, the HILTON SISTERS, Paris and Nicky. These two are just begging to be parodied. A web search revealed nothing of interest, except that they attend a lot of parties and are seen with a lot of people you wouldn't be caught dead in the same time zone with. Paris, being the oldest of the two, has had more publicity, but Nicky is now getting into the act.
TheWeeklyChuckle The most comprehensive article we found on the two was published in the July 21, 2003 People magazine issue. These two are the heiresses to the massive Hilton fortune. Hands down, our favorite remark was the one that Paris made about, "never realizing that people had to work for money." God, doesn't this just tell you everything you needed to know about their collective character? Did poor little Paris think that everyone was born with servants to wait on them hand and foot? Oh, and what about all those pilots, flight attendants, servers in restaurants, sales people, etc. Do all those people just hang around and help the Hilton girls out of the goodness of their hearts? Surely, somewhere along the way, in some aspect of their vapid, useless lives, somebody might have mentioned to them that there truly were "lesser folks" out there who, gasp, had to actually work for a living. It is a little hard to live in this grand country of ours without learning something about how things truly work. Even if one, presumably like the Hilton girls, never learn to read, there is always TV, the movies, radio, and other venues. We know they had to have the servants check the papers upon occasion, if just to see who they got photographed with at last night's bash. Even the Hilton girls had to have some sort of formal education. In remedial boarding school they cover the basics such as: See Dick, See Jane, See Dick go to Work, See Jane have a career, see Jane take Dick to the cleaners in the divorce, and so on.
Paris was accused of "underfeeding her Chihuahua." If this was true, we bet she didn't do it on purpose. These girls are so thin that we just bet that Paris thought that her dogs just wanted to be thin too. No Hilton girl wants a chubby dog as a fashion accessory after all. Paris has three little tiny dogs. Our guess is that she isn't the sole caregiver of these dogs and that if the person that accused her not feeding the dog enough had slipped the dog extra food, Paris wouldn't have known. We just don't see her picking up dog poop in her short little skirt, plunging necklines, and spike heels. She just isn't like the rest of us who own pets and actually take care of them ourselves.
Nicky designs handbags. Now there is a profession that every other useless rich person, who thinks they need a career in New York, is taking up. It takes a great deal of talent to glue sequins, letters, feathers, glitter, etc., on pre-made plain handbags. Nicky has a wide circle of acquaintances that she can sell them to at outrageous prices. This proves that Nicky is a successful businesswoman at nineteen. Plus, she really needs the money.
So what exactly is the sisters' claim to celebrity status? They have a nearly perfect party attendance. That's right, you read this correctly. They hit nearly every single party that matters. We are not talking about little Myron's Bar Mitzvah either. We are talking about parties with the "in crowd." We are talking about parties where they can get into arguments with Shannon Doherty over Shannon's ex-boyfriend, bashes with Lionel Richie's daughter Nicole, events where they can be sure to get photographed kissing really ugly rockers that are old enough to be their father. The fun just never stops.
Is it any surprise that nobody ever writes about these girls actually getting a college education and doing something worthwhile with their lives? The cure to cancer can wait. These girls need to go shoe shopping for God's sake!
So, we ask: Are the Hilton girls Totally Worthless Parasites or just your average flash-in-the-pan Party Girls?
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