The Continuing Adventures of The Scottish Geisha
Chapter 17, Installment 27: Anger Management
The Scottish Geisha collected more than a few bets after
last week's pre-season opener for the Sharks.
"Did I not say that Parker would be fighting within the first five
minutes?" she asked patiently as we handed over twenty dollar bills.
"Plus, did I not tell you that boy had...anger management issues?"
The papers all said it was the Mighty Ducks rookie that started the ruckus.
"Three times?" she asked as if speaking to small children. "May
I remind you all that Mr. Cranky, Parker, whatever you want to call him,
was standing in the penalty box positively screaming in rage?" she
said, adding. "This is normally not the actions of a B-type personality."
Poor Scott Parker, number 27, newly imported from Colorado and the first
true 'enforcer' the Sharks have had in years, had been branded.
"He's very, very cranky," The Scottish Geisha said, somewhat
defensive herself.
"Besides, next to Surly, he really has trouble managing his...issues,"
she said.
Surly, aka, number 22, defenseman Scott Hannan, as usual, could do no
wrong in The Scottish Geisha's emerald green eyes.
"Didn't Surly play wonderfully?" The Scottish Geisha asked happily.
"He was clearly so happy to be out there skating whilst Cranky seemed
to be positively spoiling for a fight."
Uh, isn't that, like, his job?
"Honestly, you people. Cranky fights for the sake of fighting. Surly
picks his ice battles carefully. Surly only fights when he has to."
We didn't exactly agree. At last Saturday night's game against The Mighty
Ducks, Surly did his fair share of checking and hockey's own particular
form of 'meet and greet' along the boards. In fact, when an opponent had
the audacity to push back, Surly returned to the boards and held him there,
just so he got the message.
The Scottish Geisha did not find this reminder of Hannan's true rough
and tumble playing style amusing.
"Surly is just very....sensitive. That player probably said
something inappropriate."
There was no arguing with The Scottish Geisha on the subject of Surly
so we wisely redirected the conversation back to Parker, aka, Cranky.
"Such a fetching looking young man too," The Scottish Geisha
said sadly. "One wonders if his mother knows about this."
We doubted whether Cranky's mother would be shocked by his behavior. And
the vision of Parker standing in the penalty box, all six-foot, five inches
of him, jersey ripped off, pads askew, cuts and muscles rippling in rage,
was not something we wished to witness up close and personal.
"Someone needs to talk to that boy about his attitude," The
Scottish Geisha said looking at the lot of us expectantly.
Visions of Parker pounding his opponent into the crushed ice beneath him
floated before our collective eyes.
We all suddenly had somewhere else we had to be.
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