The Continuing Adventures of The Scottish Geisha
Chapter 111,
Installment 3: Crisis Off the Ice
The Scottish Geisha may well be in the mist of a crisis but damn if she cannot whether the storm in a color coordinated fashion.
“What IS the problem? My GOD, did somebody die?”
“Just a bad, “said The Scottish Geisha. “I fired my manicurist.”
This WAS serious.
For women who have lost husbands, stock options, jobs, loved ones .. …nothing, and we mean nothing, comes close to the emotional upheaval created by losing a good manicurist. For The Scottish Geisha, it was a matter of either firing the talented but hapless manicurist or going to jail for murder.
“She would call me up and change my appointment sometimes up to ten times in a single day,” sighed The Scottish Geisha. “I told her and told her and told her that I could not make that many adjustments to my already impossible schedule but she persisted. I finally had no choice, I fired her.”
For those of you familiar with Modern Nail Solutions know that this means that The Scottish Geisha had two weeks max, to find a replacement. That is like saying that Bush needs to achieve World Peace in the same amount of time. Right...
“What if I cannot find somebody who can do a file-down-grow-out-the-tips-acrylic-with-gel-overlay?” The Scottish Geisha fretted.
It could only be worse if she had lost her hairdresser but the MVP was wise enough not to bring up anything more traumatic.
In the mist of The Crisis, MVP picked up an San Jose Shark’s program that has lying nearby. It featured a nice cover photo of Surly The Ice Hobbit (aka, Number 22).
“Such a nice, healthy boy, that Surly,” MVP remarked.
The Scottish Geisha lifted the corner of the ice pack to comment. “He’s probably old enough to be called a man you know.”
“I think he’d like that," laughed the MVP. "Especially coming from you.”
“And people wonder why we say he resembles that actor who played a Hobbit,” The Scottish Geisha said, her voice now muffled by the somewhat oversized ice pack over her face.
MVP scanned the article on Surly. “He is quotable,” she commented.
“He is VERY quotable,” corrected The Scottish Geisha. “Particularly for a professional athlete.”
The Scottish Geisha waved a finely boned hand, her face back the ever spreading ice pack. “Read his team bio,” she insisted.
MVP located the short descriptors of each player, listing playing history, professional accomplishments and, for some reason, factoids such as favorite restaurants and hobbies.
“He’s not married,” MVP said, bemused.
The hand waved again. “I don’t care if he fancies very short women with big, hairy feet. Read on.”
She scanned the data for a few moments. “Well, there is his favorite restaurant, it’s Mexican. And his favorite movie is… OHMYGOD!!”
The Scottish Geisha lifted the ice pack for the second time. “Yes,” she said. “Lord of the Rings…don’t you see? It’s a sign....”
"Well anything beats that Teemu character. His favorite movie was, get this, Dumb and Dumber. A real icon of refinement and culture, that Fin."
The Scottish Geisha shifted the ice pack. "You have nothing to be concerned about. Selanne did not exercise his contract option for next season."
"Maybe we should send him a DVD of The Two Towers, Surly, I mean, not the Fin. After all, he's probably confused by all this...attention. That would let him know we are actually very fond of him."
"There is only one problem with that idea," The Scottish Geisha said. "The Two Towers isn't out yet so we aren't supposed to actually have it."
MVP tossed the brochure aside. "And having something we shouldn't yet have is something that concerns you, because?"
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