The Continuing Adventures of The Scottish Geisha
Chapter 121, Installment 9: Just Karma
The editorial team that works on The Continuing Adventures of The Scottish Geisha column is still paying, big time, for some comments we made about certain body parts of the Scottish Geisha.
The Scottish Geisha’s revenge has been subtle, almost cosmic in nature. Brand new cars suddenly in need of thousands of dollars of work, bad luck fender benders, busted bathroom pipes, keeper girlfriends suddenly requesting ‘space’…
The list goes on and on. And all the while, The Scottish Geisha slides gracefully on the borders of our various mishaps, silently exhibiting nothing more than a Mona Lisa smile that lights up her cat-green eyes.
She won’t even say aloud that we deserve it. On no, that might break the curse/spell/bad karma that seems to have befallen all of us who openly voiced the opinion that Surly had a right to know that The Scottish Geisha had a grade A pair of….
But we digress.
The Scottish Geisha has more important things on her mind, apparently, than our collective woes. The search continues for a manicurist as the deadline nears.
The Scottish Geisha is determined to find a manicurist worthy of tailoring her talons:
“She needs to be near by but not so close that I run into her at the gourmet Wine Shoppe. She needs to be flexible but only in one direction: mine. When I make an appointment, I expect her to honor it and not change it because some tacky thing as walked through the door demanding a quick chip fix. She needs to accommodate any changes to my appointments when I call and be forgiving should I simply do not show up occasionally. She should sense when I’m in a hurry and then do the job quickly and efficiently. She needs to figure out when I need to relax and then take her time and not rush me. Above all, she should speak and understand English but only demonstrate the speaking part when I ask a question.”
The Scottish Geisha apparently doesn’t like gabby manicurists.
“It’s true,” she admitted. “I am usually preoccupied when I have to get my nails done and am in no mood for idle chit-chat. I think many women disappear when they have to get their hair or nails done.”
This, with the exception of Women Of A Certain Age who seem to THRIVE on going to the hairdressers three times a week for a buff and spray. (The professionals call it a blow out but we are not giving those editorial yabbos one single inch.). You all know the type, they come early, clearly have nowhere to go afterwards and therefore drag out the appointment as long as possible. This often impacts those of us who actually have lives and need to be somewhere else on time. They don’t seem to understand or care that their inane babble about their son-in-laws’ neighbor’s second cousin twice removed having A Terrible Time is cutting into YOUR REAL LIFE. Often the hairdresser is stuck in the middle; uh huhing and making nervous tisk, tisking noises and generally trying to hurry the usually older woman along so she can get to you or me. The fact that the Older Woman (OW) is screwing up her entire client schedule for the day is clearly not an issue for OW. Oh no, she will babble on and on and when it becomes clear that the hairdresser isn’t going to give her any more time to bore her to death (as evidenced by a final spray of Cement Holder on her modified beehive do), she will suddenly, magically recall that oh dear! I really needed my hair to be blown out the other way….you know the way you did it two years ago on that rainy Thursday in the fall? When I was telling you about Arnold, the boy of my ex –neighbor’s great aunt who lived in Ohio….? Surely you recall how you did my hair then dear…..now, as I was saying….
To be fair, hairdressers normally try and schedule these types of clients early in the day or at times that Real People With Real Lives don’t have appointments (aka, weekends and nights). They will try and give them the time and attention they need and do what they can to ensure that this regular, albeit usually not well tipping portion of their clientele, does not make you as crazy as they make them. But some times schedules get mixed up, things need to be rearranged and that’s when the doo really hits the blow dryer.
The Scottish Geisha was highly amused when MVP personally had to pull one old lady out of the hairdresser’s chair and inform her, in no uncertain terms, that her appointment was OVER, thank you very much. She had kept the busy hairdresser a full HOUR over schedule, fussing and tisk, tisking over her nearly balding locks of a Highly Unlikely Color. There was so much teasing and fluffing and hairspray, you would have thought Patty La Belle was trying something outrageous. The Big Event that precipitated the additional hour? She was going home to Roscoe, her pet beagle, no joke. After an entire hour over schedule (she was there early and truly was just delaying) MVP felt compelled to PULL her OUT of that chair and ask her where she lived. She told her the name of a nearby retirement community. MVP told her she had heard it was on fire.
“She should have told her that her dog had been picked up by the pound,” The Scottish Geisha said when she related the story. “That way she would have left faster and come back well after MVP had her hair done.”
Maybe, but we are still saving that story for the next time The Scottish Geisha highjacks our already busy schedules.
Contact Us
Copyright© 2003. All rights reserved.