The Continuing Adventures of The Scottish Geisha
Chapter 12, Installment 87: The Perks of Being A Pro Athlete
Most of the staff is counting the hours until The Scottish Geisha goes off on one of her exotic holiday jaunts. That is because when she is out of the office, it becomes that much harder for her to issue edicts. Like when she forbade everyone to send anyone we knew bootleg DVD of TTT.
“Don’t be silly,” she admonished. “Everyone knows the DVD is coming out in August. Nobody needs to be tainted by your morally questionable antics in the meantime.”
Slither, our lawyer, not surprisingly, the first to agree.
“Yeah, let’s keep the perks to ourselves. Perks are few and far between. Professional athletes, like hockey players, get way too many perks as it is,” he pointed out.
“Yes, I am certain getting your rib cages reconfigured every night out on the ice is a wonderful perk,” The Scottish Geisha commented dryly.
Slither did not back down.
“Seriously, they get paid to do what they love, an obscene amount of money mind you, and they get all the perks of rock stars,” he insisted.
“Rock stars?”
“Yeah, you know, like…groupies and stuff.”
The Scottish Geisha crossed her arms. “Groupies….you think that Shark’s players are tempted by the likes of….groupies?”
Slither shook his head vigorously. “Of course. Groupies, you know, tarty girls with low morals.”
The Scottish Geisha widened her eyes. “Groupies are tarty girls?”
“Tarty girls with low morals and room temperature IQs,” MVP chimed in.
“Tarty girls with low morals, room temperature IQs and moderately good breast implants,” Sophia corrected.
The Scottish Geisha cast a beguiling glace around the room. “Let me get this straight,” she said slowly, measuring each word carefully. “What you are saying is that groupies, Shark’s groupies for the sake of argument, are tarty girls with low morals and IQs that do not exceed room temperature?”
“And they have moderately good breast implants,” we all chorused.
“And the players probably accept…favors from them,” Slither concluded with relish.
The Scottish Geisha shook her head. “That settles it then. You are all obviously way off the mark, completely wrong” she said.
“How so?”
“Because. Surly, for one, would never accept favors from a girl with just moderately good implants and he's a professional athlete, right?”
At that point, we all decided that it was far wiser to just go back to counting the hours until The Scottish Geisha boarded a plane for Bali.
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