The Continuing Adventures of The Scottish Geisha
Chapter 2, Installment 991: Blackberries On Ice
Though The Scottish Geisha spent most of the Shark's Sunday practice session thoughtfully nibbling on blackberries just a few feet from the action on the ice (causing one rookie to become a tad bit...distracted), she and the MVP gleaned some excellent clues about the season to come....
"Strong but rough around the edges," The Scottish Geisha declared of the team's overall performance after watching a practice game.
"Makes you want to issue the restraining order in advance, doesn't he?" The Scottish Geisha asked, amused, as Terminator and newcomer (imported from Colorado) Scott Parker (number 27) steam rolled over yet another teammate.
"The time out box is going to be his best friend," noted the MVP who refuses to refer to the box as a penalty box. "It's bad for the players self esteem," she explained.
The Scottish Geisha rolled her eyes. "You didn't think that when they played the New Jersey Devils," she pointed out.
"We hate the New Jersey Devils," The MVP said as if that explained everything.
"Surly seems....content," The Scottish Geisha decided as she passed the MVP some snacks.
Two incredibly large women, both well over 350 pounds each, sat down next to The Scottish Geisha and the MVP and proceed to hold a very loud, and sexually explicit conversation about each player that skated by.
The Scottish Geisha raised an eyebrow and bent her normally smooth face into a frown. "How....wrong," she sniffed.
The MVP lent an ear. "Sheesh," she said softly. "There are children here."
The Scottish Geisha had just seriously informed a wide-eyed and drooling 3-month old infant that pink was the hot color for fall, causing her otherwise exhausted mother to beam with fashionable pride.
"Should we say something?" The Scottish Geisha pondered quietly, clearly finding the women's lack of tact distasteful.
Surly skated by, a mere few feet from The Scottish Geisha. She gave the two women a withering stare, causing them to falter in continuing with their sexually explicit wish list.
"I wonder if he knows you are here protecting him from sexual predators that come in the form of very large women," MVP giggled.
The Scottish Geisha shrugged. "Deep Fin says he has been led to believe that my hair is much redder than it is blond so no, he has no clue who I am," she smiled tenderly as Surly looked out at the bleachers.
"How cute is that," The Scottish Geisha said. "Maybe one of his girlfriends is here."
MVP shook her head. "No, he's looking for someone else."
The team went to stretch on the ice. Everyone did hamstring stretches, but Surly declined to do a reverse cat curl, a movement where one throws his legs over his shoulders, backside in the air. The Scottish Geisha seemed to approve of Surly's discretion even though the maneuver caused the women next to her to make even cruder statements.
"We wouldn't take that if it were two men sitting here," MVP pointed out, after one of the women loudly mused about the outcome of getting a certain player to sit in her lap.
"Most of the team is huge and yet she's certainly large enough to accommodate any player in her lap," MVP added.
The other looked over at The Scottish Geisha and her blackberries. "You came well-prepared," she said heartedly, pointing to the bag full of healthy snacks.
The Scottish Geisha knew an opening when she saw it. "Oh, I always do this. It keeps my weight down," she said brightly, looking pointedly at the enormous duo. "You might want to consider it," she added delicately.
The two never opened their mouths for the rest of the practice.
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