The Continuing Adventures of The Scottish Geisha
Chapter 91, Installment 843: Puppy Shrinks
“I wonder if the Shark’s doctor needs a volunteer to help out with all those team physicals,” MVP said as she and The Scottish Geisha poured over The Sharks training camp schedules....
The Scottish Geisha suppressed a smile. “That might be a fun job,” she said agreeably. “Pass me that stethoscope, take his blood pressure...”
Look left and cough?
“You Philistines stay out of this,” MVP warned.
The Scottish Geisha leaned back in her chair and gazed at the training camp schedule with continued interest. “You know,” she mused, “This is really a wonderful thing the Sharks do. Fans can watch all the new talent and really get a feel for the new coach, Ron Wilson’s, strategy.”
MVP nodded vigorously. “And a lot of the training camp practices are on the weekends, really making it easy for fans to check out the action. It’s a great opportunity and it’s free.”
The Scottish Geisha tapped the schedule with a finely manicured fingertip. “The price is certainly correct,” she said. “But we still don’t know which practice ‘team’ Surly will be on,” she pointed out.
MVP peered at the times and listings. “I’ll call Deep Fin,” she said, “He knows everything.”
“It isn’t as if I don’t want to see the other players,” The Scottish Geisha continued as MVP left a voice message. “I just don’t think it would do, with our impossible schedules, to miss Surly’s ice time.”
MVP was already finished with the phone. “I agree, we need to make sure he’s well, what do we need to make sure of?”
The Scottish Geisha smiled coyly. “That he’s happy of course. We need to make sure Surly is content.”
MVP laughed. “Of course.”
“You know,” The Scottish Geisha observed. “It is probably time for you to start thinking of making a commitment of your own.”
MVP replaced the phone in its cradle. “You think?”
The Scottish Geisha nodded gravely. “Yes, truly. You are ready for this. It’s time.”
As usual, we wanted to know what they were talking about.
“Honestly, you people are so thick,” MVP said. “I need to check over the players and start thinking about taking on a player of my own. After all, The Scottish Geisha pretty much has Surly covered.”
We decided not to comment back on that remark. We value our lives after all.
“It isn’t as easy as it looks,” The Scottish Geisha cautioned the MVP. “You worry about them, become distraught when the ref makes an unfair call which, I am loathe to admit, is quite often when it's your player.”
MVP took the training camp roster in hand. “We should call your cousin TJ,” she remarked. “She will want to check out the talent with us.”
The Scottish Geisha picked up the phone in turn. “Let’s just hope she can get out of the house,” she said.
MVP was surprised. “What do you mean? She’s as busy as any of us.”
The Scottish Geisha responded after leaving a message. “Ah, but at what price? You haven’t met that…pet of hers. That giant Boxer. The dog literally wraps her paws around my cousin’s ankles when she tries to leave the house.”
MVP laughed. “I’ve seen photos. That dog is huge. Beautiful but really big. And she’s not a large person, your cousin, how does she manage?”
The Scottish Geisha considered the question. “Why, I’m not really sure,” she replied thoughtfully.” Brandi is quite persistent and very strong. She comes from a long line of national champions that dog. She’s quite beautiful too you know.”
MVP laughed again. “Maybe your cousin is just swift of foot.”
The Scottish Geisha curled her lips into the merest trace of a smile. “She’s related to me, poor girl. She would have to be. Swift of foot, I mean.”
“Why did they name her Brandi?” MVP asked conversationally.
The Scottish Geisha laughed. “My aunt has…how does one put this? A unique sense of irony. Brandi is quite….high maintenance. I think my aunt thought that a shot of liquor in her dog food might calm her down.”
MVP was shocked. “Your cousin doesn’t give her alcohol does she?”
The Scottish Geisha’s eyes opened wide in horror. “Perish the thought. No, she just continues to drag her diminutive person to the door, day after day, Brandi’s giant paws wrapped around her ankles, trying to get out into the real world. Its a rather comic notion. Unless of course, it is you actually trying to get out the door of course.”
MVP returned to the training schedule. “I hope fans are more proactive this year,” she said. “Remember last season when people waited until the last minute and couldn’t get decent tickets? Everyone called and called us, hoping for spare tickets.”
The Scottish Geisha nodded. “Yes, watching Ricci fight for the puck, right up against the boards, is a site not to be missed. But you need to get really good seats, early on, to see that kind of action up close and personal.”
“That was a particularly amazing game,” MVP recalled fondly. Do you remember? All that body slamming and nothing but Plexiglas between us and the players.”
“Sublime,” The Scottish Geisha agreed. “And well worth a bit of advance planning.”
“As if we had a choice with our schedules,” MVP said.
The phone rang and MVP picked up.
“It’s your cousin,” she said. She held out the phone struggling to keep a straight face. “I think she’s having trouble getting out of the house again.”
The Scottish Geisha took the call and listened calmly for a time. Finally she spoke. “Oh dear, that’s a pity….have you considered a puppy psychiatrist?” she asked plaintively into the receiver. “After all this is the Bay Area. People take their pets to aroma therapists and masseuses. It shouldn’t be too difficult to find a decent therapist for Brandi.”
Eventually she hung up. “She’ll meet us at training camp next weekend,” The Scottish Geisha reported. “The doctor says she should be able to get around on crutches by then.”
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