The Continuing Adventures of The Scottish Geisha
Chapter 7, Installment 311: Separation Anxiety
All New Installment! Sept. 5th, 2003
Defense, we have learned, is the name of the Shark’s 2003-2004 game. Defense seems to be everybody’s game strategy; a fact we learned when The Scottish Geisha prepped The Frenchman well in advance of his coming to our offices. The long and short of it was that he turned out to be impenetrable and wise to our game before we ever got to try it out. ...Anxiety
The Scottish Geisha reported that her cousin was doing better and would soon be graduating to crutches. “And Brandi is already in therapy working on her issues,” she added, as if this was the most natural thing in the world for a dog to be in therapy.
“Brandi has been diagnosed with an extreme case of puppy separation anxiety,” she added by way of explanation.
Sophia, editor of the Clean My Water Dish section, was completely nonplused when she heard the news.
“My mother’s dead German-Short Haired Pointer, Bonzai, had puppy separation anxiety too,” she remarked.
The dog’s name was Bonzai?
Sophia’s face was a perfect study in pain. “She was evil, that dog. She hated all of us kids. She wanted to be an only child and my mother loved her to the point of insanity. That was the most difficult 18 years of my life.”
Bonzai lived 18 years?
Wouldn’t that be a very unusual life span for a pure bred pointer?
Sophia shrugged. “Very unusual in fact. But that dog was determined to out live us all. Just out of spite.”
The Scottish Geisha took a mild interest in the conversation. “And your mother? She took this dog’s death how?”
Sophia sighed dramatically, pressing her fingertips into her temples as if to ward off some secret pain.
“We had to put her on medication. She became clinically depressed.”
There was a pungent silence in the office.
“Oh my,” said The Scottish Geisha. “I’m terribly sorry.”
Sophia shrugged. “Don’t be,” she said. “Mom is much more rational now that she’s medicated.”
Then she lost the dog recently?
“Bonzai’s been dead for years now,” Sophia replied wearily.
Another pungent silence.
“Jazzy has puppy separation anxiety,” MVP said comfortingly, trying, no doubt, to fill up the awkward silence.
Jazzy is the beautiful Welsh springer spaniel featured on the Clean My Water Dish horoscopes. She is MVP’s precious puppy and The Scottish Geisha’s official puppy Godchild.
“My puppy Godchild is welcome to come to our offices any day,” The Scottish Geisha declared.
Maybe Jazzy should come to Shark’s practice.
MVP rolled her eyes heavenward. “Are you people nuts or have you all just completely lost your minds? She’s the most social dog in the world. After greeting each and every spectator she would try and rush out on the ice, chase the puck or try and get every player to play fetch with her.”
“Well, she does think the world revolves around her social life,” The Scottish Geisha commented. “Though I cannot fathom where she gets that attitude from.”
Nobody said a word.
The Scottish Geisha was quick on the uptake. “What are you thinking?” she demanded. “That I overindulge my puppy godchild? That I spoil her?”
“Not at all,” MVP said soothingly. “They just don’t understand that you and Jazzy are simpatico. You understand her.”
“Yes, of course. I understand her. She’s precious. Adorable. Impressively single minded, just like Surly.”
Sooner or later we knew the conversation would come around to Surly again.
“Speaking of Surly,” said The Scottish Geisha, all brisk and businesslike once again. “Shall we discuss defense?”
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