The Continuing Adventures of The Scottish Geisha
Chapter 3, Installment 17: Of Lizards and Snakes
Chapter 3, Installment 61: Lizards And Snakes....Continued
Everyone scatters when The Scottish Geisha is in a foul mood. There is no warning, and unlike some women, no cyclical logic (if logic be what you call it) to her disposition. It is rarely lethal, thankfully, but a bad humor from The Scottish Geisha is still impossible to predict. The Sharks can lose or win and her mood is generally unaffected either way. She remains philosophic about such things. Wars can come and dictators, hopefully, go and her temper seems, for the most part, as silken smooth as her smile. There is also no way (for us guys) to pinpoint this potentially life-threatening situation based on female cycles. We’ve tried but her moods don’t seem to be particularly influenced by those mysterious female cycles.
We wish.
At least with PMS there is a way to guesstimate timing and to furnish even lame ass excuses not to be in the office. Not a luxury for us at TLL.net. And men? Well, with The Scottish Geisha there is always a man. However, given her talent to make even the most attractive and charming man feel…dispensable, the ‘man factor’ doesn’t seem to be a dynamic either.
That leaves us TLL.net male staffers pretty much at the mercy of The Scottish Geisha’s moods.
“My father,” she announced one day recently.
“Simply must be committed.”
We were dying to know what her father did. This time. So we asked, no, begged for details despite the clear and present risk.
“You people need lives. Your own would be best,” The Scottish Geisha noted but gave us the details anyway.
Apparently The Scottish Geisha had sent her father his birthday gifts, all hand picked from a shopping excursion to Hong Kong. She sent the gifts well in advance. Her father’s birthday came and she called to ask how he liked his gifts.
“Gifts?” he said vaguely. “Uh, I will have to call you back.”
“That is when I knew that he’d never bothered to open the box,” she said.
But was that what upset her? Not at all.
“My father always forgets the details, that doesn’t bother me,” The Scottish Geisha insisted.
Then what could it be? Well, apparently after opening the gift box her father called her back. He’d just sampled the Chinese dead lizard whiskey and was in high spirits. Her mother’s dogs had had a grand time cornering the bottle (safely set up and out of reach) and the other gifts. She asked how he liked the illegal Cuban cigars. There was a pause. A very long pause.
“Hold on,” The Scottish Geisha’s father said.
There were some loud noises in the background, voices raised, an argument clearly ensued.
Finally her father came back to the phone.
“I will have to get back to you,” he said, slightly breathless. “Your mother hid all my Cuban Cigars and now I have to go and find them.”
“Yes,” said SG. “She hid each cigar in a separate location.”
So was this what The Scottish Geisha upset about?
No, no, of course not.
“You people truly haven’t a clue. I did my parents a favor. It is because of me that they have a reason to interact again. You know after many years of marriage, things can get a bit.... stale.”
Then WHAT you may ask, WAS the problem?
The look we got from The Scottish Geisha could have burned through our retinas.
“Why am I always the one," she asked plaintively, "Who has to put the spark back in people’s relationships?”
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