Queerly....Perfect

Girlfriends, hang on to your Prada pumps and posh nail polish, Bravo TV, of all cable channels, has come up with a delish show strictly for women. Queer Eye For The Straight Guy is all about five stylish homosexuals who set about to remodel and remake straight guys. The results are informative, entertaining and often hilarious. Oh, and strictly for women. And maybe gay guys. Think the food network, fine living, HGTV and extreme make-overs all rolled into one very swishy package of fun, sexual innuendos and life style tips.
The reason this show is mainly for women is that you watch and know with a woman’s conviction that those wonderfully stylish boys shouldn’t waste all that talent and effort on some slovenly clueless male. You immediately want them to come to YOUR house. I know all about pomade, you think. And moisturizing. Plus, nobody has to throw out four year old moldy condiments from MY refrigerator. Plus, all you really need, you think, is a bit of…spiffing up. A snip here, a highlight there, maybe some razzle, dazzle paint on the walls, a few well chosen accessories….and ta da! A whole new look/lifestyle is born. The fab five, you think smugly, wouldn’t have to work so hard if they came to MY house.
On the other hand, when trying to make over the average slob of a male, they are confronted with the reason that so many women think staying single isn’t such a bad thing. Really awful hygiene and icky personal habits (one guy hadn’t cut his hair in a year), clothes sense that should have been banned back in the 70s, disgusting kitchens that reek of dead things and worse bacteria cultures which, before the new millennium, used to be food, décor that went out in, well décor that was NEVER in vogue…
It’s enough to make the average gay man run screaming to his therapist.
What is most alarming about this show is that the average Joes they chose to ‘remake’ seem genuinely oblivious to the disgusting habits and personal filth they wallow in. Really. They stare at hair care products the gay brigade brings them with honest curiosity. They seem to think that color on the walls and order in the home are mysterious things that happen only when high strung gay men descend upon their home. They may well be brilliant nuclear physicists at their day job but in their free time, the intellectual ability to buy a few CD organizers, a cozy throw in complementary colors and a sleek wicker basket to put porn magazines in is, frankly speaking, impossible. Also beyond the realm of possibility seems to be going from running a corporation to do something about those disgusting toe or fingernails. Like getting a manicure or pedicure. And clothes? A closet full (meaning the floor) of old, ratty, torn and ill fitting garments is perfectly acceptable.
Recall these are the very same men who fully expect the women in their lives to be thin, impeccably groomed and sophisticated creatures at all times. Oh, and they must wake up that way. Really. The standards are only higher for gay men but then their audience (other gay men) are higher as well.
Ultimately Queer Eye For The Straight Guy reminds women the world over that being single is not only acceptable but in most cases, preferable. If you don’t believe that, the next time you end up at your date’s house, just take a peek in his refrigerator….