Big Sticks, Small Pucks: NFL Ice Hockey and Other Sports Obsessions
Where Athletic Support Comes In Many Shapes and Sizes
The Infamous Surly.....Stick
It’s a tough job but somebody has to step up to the plate.
One ingenious male staffer came up with the ultimate belated birthday gift for The Scottish Geisha. We also were trying to find a way to get back in her good graces so she would let us go to Shark's events.
“What are you Philistines up to this time?” she demanded to know when we barged, uninvited, into her office.
“We brought you a birthday present.”
The Scottish Geisha titled her head, clearly on guard, as she does know us all too well.
“That’s a hockey stick,” she pointed out.
“A BIG hockey stick,” she added.
Ah but not just ANY hockey stick…we obtained for The Scottish Geisha one of SURLY’S hockey sticks!!!
We pointed out the obvious. It had his name on it and everything. Terribly official.
To backtrack, we bought the stick at a Shark’s used equipment sale a while back. Not being very good gift wrappers, we put a big pink bow on it and presented an official NHL sanctioned hockey stick, used by Defenseman Scott Hannan (number 22, a.k.a. Surly The Ice Hobbit) to The Scottish Geisha. Granted, we collectively possess the professional presentation skills and flourish of a three-year-old, but for once our little black hearts were, at least on the surface of things, in the right place.
She actually stood up and came over to inspect.
“It’s very…..big, isn’t it?” she said finally as she circled the stick, not touching.
Yeah, we got that.
She peered closely at it, still not touching.
“Apparently,” she said in careful, measured tones. “Surly must have…..quite the big…..stick.”
We swear, we maintained a straight face.
“In fact,” she continued, completely dead pan, “It would be no leap of faith to suggest that Surly might just have the……biggest stick on the entire Shark’s team.”
MVP entered the room.
“Jesus Christ, but that’s enormous,” she remarked.
The Scottish Geisha gave a soft smile. “It belonged to Surly,” she said in dulcet, silken tones.
MVP raised an eyebrow. “Quite the impressive…..equipment, don’t you think?”
We were having trouble finding a way to keep up with this kind of purely innuendo-driven female conversation. In fact, some of us were beginning to feel a tad bit…inferior to be honest.
MVP took Surly’s stick off of our hands. “Ohhh….” she drawled as she fondled. “Looks like it could really….do the job.”
The Scottish Geisha smiled again gently. “Of course all of Surly’s….equipment is…. outstanding. This is Surly we are talking about.”
“It’s really big,” MVP repeated, in awed tones.
Sophia charged in. “Wow. If that isn’t just about the most enormous…”
OK, we got it! We GOT it!
The Scottish Geisha tapped the handle lightly with one perfectly polished tangerine colored fingertip. “Most impressive. And did anyone happen to notice? Surly is a south paw shooter.”
MVP closed her eyes dreamily. “I was too busy admiring the….craftsmanship.”
“I will never look at Surly the same way,” Sophia added.
“I can appreciate that,” The Scottish Geisha said, amused.
Completely emasculated, the entire male staff of TLL slunk out of The Scottish Geisha’s office as she politely called after us with her thanks.
For some reason, we were all feeling quite a bit…smaller.
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