Big Sticks, Small Pucks: NFL Ice Hockey and Other Sports Obsessions
Where Athletic Support Comes In Many Shapes and Sizes
Shark's NHL Defenseman, #22 Scott Hannan
Surly Watch
Shark's NHL Defenseman, #22 Scott Hannan
The Surly Watch
The Scottish Geisha may be really bad at names but she never forgets a face. While watching a Sharks' ice hockey game this past season, (yes, SG is oh so fond of ice hockey) with MVP (Most Valued Pal), it became apparent that one of the players, Hannan by surname, had caught her eye.
WHAM. That was the sound from the boards as several players fought it out for the puck right in front of the dynamic duo.
“That player,” SG said, pointing a finely manicured nail in Player 22’s general direction, “Looks like somebody.”
“Probably his parents,” quipped MVP.
The Scottish Geisha was not amused. “Seriously, this is beginning to bother me considerably.”
MVP paused to consider. “Maybe he’s from Scotland,” she suggested. "Anybody from Scotland bothers you."
SG frowned, still not amused. “No, I heard him screaming at another game at one of his teammates and I understood every colorful word.”
MVP sighed. “Oh, well then, he cannot possibly be Scottish then.”
SG decided to let the point pass. “So, who does this player look like?”
Clearly, this was a matter of some importance.
“Look at number 22,” SG urged. I cannot place him. Nice stick work though.”
“Of course you cannot place him. That's because you never pay attention to actors. I think he looks like one of the actors who plays a hobbit in The Lord of The Rings and The Two Towers.”
That got SG’s attention. “Good lord, not the funny little one? The one who plays the hobbit that I can never understand?”
“No dear girl. And I don’t think that guy, HOBBIT, by the way, was all that little. They did all three movies with perspective and special effects, you know, lots of special effects…I heard the actor who played the dwarf was really over six feet….”
SG peered at the ice, concentrating mightily. “You might be mistaken,” she said. “Actors are nearly always short, short, short. Only those monsters, Tolkien called them Orcs, they were huge, probably all stunt men by trade. Everyone else in the movies were probably third generation offspring of those hard drinking, brawling pint-sized extras from The Wizard of Oz.”
MVP shook her head, all patience. “I don’t think so. Viggo Mortenson doesn’t look he was sired by a midget in dire need of a 12 step program.”
SG tilted her head, just so, for maximum affect. After all, the Compact Center was chock full of manly men. At least the ones that were still sober.
“Viggo? What kind of parent names their child Viggo?” she demanded. “Do you think that poor man had trouble with the fair sex before those movies came out or what?”
MVP pondered this possibility. “I am honestly not sure but I bet you none of them now have trouble lining up company with the fair sex on a Saturday night.”
SG is nothing if not accurate. “That fine English actor, Sir Ian something, he played a warlock, he’s gay.”
Leave to The Scottish Geisha to know precisely which men play for the other team.
“Wizard but that’s not the point. Focus, seriously. Who does Number 22 really look like?”
SG lowered her famous emerald green orbs to the ice again. “Alright then,” she concluded finally. “He certainly does resemble that actor who played…the other one. The grumpy hobbit with the contrary name…Happy is it? You know the one, Happy the Hobbit, the one in the blond wig.”
MVP sighed audibly. “Happy is a dwarf, not to be confused with Gimli, but God, let's not go there. And I think the elf had a blond wig as well but stay with me on this. Merry, the hobbit’s name is Merry. The actor’s name is Dominic Monahan, something close to that. But you are right, he’s probably not a real blond.”
SG continued to study the powerful, swift figure on the ice who, ironically, was probably a real blond. “No actors are rarely blond but you know, you have a point, about Cranky The Hobbit and Number 22 here. They might even be distantly related,” she conceded. “After all, none of the Sharks players are actually…American, are they?”
MVP shook her head. “Most all are from countries that we cannot pronounce that cluster around the Baltic Sea. Oh and from Canada, the rest are from Canada. Anyway, I think the actor who played Merry is English.”
The Scottish Geisha considered this point. “Him I understood. He was always ticked off about something but at least I understood him when he said his lines. And I rather identified with his character, by the way.”
“I would be out of sorts too if Orcs and wizards gone evil and Ringwraiths were trying to kill me,” MVP observed.
“It’s the other one, the cute little one, that one I couldn’t understand,” SG repeated.
“I get that,” MVP said. “Ohhh! Look! Ricci is being sent to the penalty box!”
The Scottish Geisha got to her feet, prepared to express an opinion worthy of an X-rating.
“Down girl,” MVP said soothingly, pulling at her dearest friend’s designer sleeve.
SG adjusted her attitude --- and her now slightly wrinkled sleeve. “Sorry, that was positively base of me…and in public no less.”
MVP nodded. “Better to save it for private,” she said.
SG gave her a rare Mona Lisa smile. “I plan to,” she said.
Number 22 swooshed by again, checking not one but two players and giving the two the benefit of a close up of his not too unattractive face.
“He’s cute,” MVP said.
“Like the hobbit, Crabby, no, Cranky The Hobbit, right?”
MVP sighed. “Merry, his name is Merry.”
“Just so,” SG, said, lowering her sunglasses into the shimmering, icy glare and settling back to enjoy the rest of the game.
MVP got to her feet this time, Number 22 was getting trashed on the boards this time.
“I have to kill the ref now,” she said, a little apologetically. “But I think Number 22 might just be a tad bit….well, more buff than Cranky, I mean Merry the Hobbit.”
“Dominic,” corrected The Scottish Geisha, “I thought you said Cranky The Hobbit was played by an actor named Dominic. But this player, why he's positively ...Surly, isn't he? Yes, that's it. He's Surly, Surly the....Ice Hobbit.”
MVP looked down at The Scottish Geisha, finally at a loss for words.
“I’m beginning to become seriously concerned about you.”
The Scottish Geisha turned to flash a dazzling smile at the attractive man next to her who had been trying, unsuccessfully up to that point, to get her attention.
“Not to worry,” SG purred. “Warriors come in many forms.”
"I feel sorry for Surly," MVP said suddenly.
SG fixed her with a quelling expression. "How so?"
"Because he will forever be known as Surly, that's why and look how adorable he is. He looks so happy out there on the ice, doing what he clearly loves the most."
The Scottish Geisha fluttered her triple thick sable lashes toward the ice. "Yes, exactly. That is why he's now officially our Surly. Surly the ice hobbit."
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Editor’s Prologue: Yes indeed. Warriors come in many forms. Some with blades they carry and others with blades they wear. Not the least of them the two who fight on the ice and in Middle Earth. The pictures of the two say it all…and despite The Scottish Geisha’s recent lack of…focus, she could be right. These two could have been sired by siblings. Now, if we could only do something to adjust her opinion of actors….
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