Summer Fashion Sense: Be Kind To Your Fellow Man
Editors Note: No doubt about it, summer brings out a whole new flavor to fashion. We at TheLastLaugh.net would, however, like to remind you all to be kind to your fellow man and observe the following 10 Simple Rules for Summer Fashion:
TheWeeklyChuckle Rule No. 10: No
orange self-tanning solutions. Ever. If you don't tan then trust us when
we say God knew what he was doing. There is a reason there are no tanning
booths in Ireland or Scotland. Invest your funds in a good sunscreen and
pretend you aren't the only pasty white fool residing in Southern Cal
or Florida.
Rule No. 9: If you can't bounce a quarter off your triceps then don't
wear sleeveless anything. Remember Grandma's housedress and her flapping
flesh while waving good-buy when you were little? The horror.
Rule No. 8: Short shorts are for people with moderately acceptable gams.
Period. If you exist in a body just rippling with cellulite then hit the
gym or go long. On the shorts that is. Nobody wants to see the sins of
your DNA or lifestyle, really.
Rule No. 7: Bathing suits. God, do we have to spell this out? Sarongs
and cover-ups were invented for a reason. If you jiggle then don't try
and wiggle into a suit and then bare it all on the beach. Thongs look
good on nobody, not even Victoria Secret models though we understand if
you guys protest this one.
Rule No. 6: If you are older than six years of age, you probably shouldn't
be bearing your mid-drift anyway. There are only 24 people on the entire
planet with washboard abs and you aren't one of them.
Rule No. 5: Sweet, tiny flower printed sun dresses look great on 11 year
old girls with ribbons in their curls. You, however, are 37, at least
25 pounds overweight and fooling nobody.
Rule No. 4: Get a pedicure for God's sake. Flip flops and funky sandals
are fine as long as your feet don't look like stand-ins for The Creature
From The Black Lagoon.
Rule No. 3: Ladies, shave, shave, shave. Please. This isn't Europe, after
all.
Rule No. 2: Guys: If you are losing your hair, and most of you are, either
get plugs or a really honest hair cut. That 'stylish' baseball cap you
sport all summer long isn't fooling anybody and it is giving you the strangest
tan line.
And the Number One Rule to Summer Fashion? If you aren't, then don't.
Go blond that is. Stick close to what nature gave you and nobody will
be snickering behind your back. Unless you forgot your sarong, that is.
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