Your To Do List for Economic Rebound
Editors Note: Too many Krispy Creams and Double Chocolate Lattes? Summer in all its bare glory is nearly upon you!
TheWeeklyChuckle
Shape Up To Do List:
1. Read Atkins book as he was apparently right all along.
2. Start food journal to keep track of all the food I eat.
3. Reivew food journal. Decide journal is a really bad idea because it is making a big, FAT liar out of me.
4. Buy tons of new workout clothes. To wear after I lose weight.
5. Eat low carb diet.
6. Quit low carb diet. Starting to eye baby's half eaten teething biscuits is a serious sign of carb withdrawal....
7. Review old Victoria Secret's catelogs to keep up diet moral.
8. Burn all old Victoria Secret's catelogs. Those women are genetic freaks of nature anyway.
9. Try treating self to new lipstick. Like all the diet books say.
10. Conclude diet books are all really stupid. No shade of 'honey babe pink' is going to motivate me to stay away from my daily bagel and chocolate latte with extra whip cream.
11. Give all salad greens about to go bad in fridge to adorable child down the street who happens to own a bunny.
12. Ignore the evil trolls from HR who got rid of good, honest, hardworking people for no good reason except to save their own behinds. Throw stupid 'team building' flyers in the trash. They always expect me to pay for 'work events' anyway. Do not respond or go to any 'events' you are forced to pay for. Feel REALLY smug now.
13. Skip pilates-yoga-power-training class. The thought of that size two, barking commando who calls herself an instructor is just too much to bear. Besides spent all my money on diet books so can't afford bail money which would be needed for running her over in the parking lot.
14. Collect all diet books. Go on EBay. Sell on diet books.
15. Use money from EBay to buy several excellent beach cover-ups. The more fabric the better. Have chocolate latte to celebrate.
With extra whipped cream of course.
Copyright© 2003. All rights reserved.