We interrupt TheDailyFix to bring you….the War
TheDailyFix
The press continues to overwhelm us with their we have to be there, to endlessly analyze, pick apart and emote over every single aspect of the pre then post war strategy. There is, in fact, a journalist still parked every sand dune. It’s gotten so bad that Americans yearn for more moments like when CNN got unceremoniously booted out of Baghdad.
Face it, most of those journalists are still over there, risking life and limb for one reason and one reason only:
They get to ride in tanks.
Seriously, can you think of another reason to park your behind in a barren kitty litter of a wasteland replete with blistering heat? And who came up with the term, “embedded journalist” anyway? What we couldn’t do with that term if Tll’s editorial management weren’t such a bunch of uptight control freaks.
But back the war and journalists: Last time we looked, you big, fat, stupid heads, you could still get killed in a war. We don’t’ want to alarm you or anything. God knows your schedules are packed full of gas mask drills, sand dune gazing and Riding With The Big Boys…but hey, just so you all know…
People actually DIE in wars, ok?
Make fun of Iraq if you will, heaven knows they have not yet learned how to pick up after themselves as evidenced by all the military litter left baking in the desserts en route to Baghdad but hey, it doesn’t mean that hey have not learned how to lay down land minds. And even the Iraqis are going to hit a target (other than their own people) eventually. At least once.
“Hello Peter, Important, Concerned Journalist With Very Bad Sunburn Reporting from…hell, I’m not allowed to tell you where I am, you will just have to guess!” (Hearty laugh)
“Hello…can you tell us what we see in the background there?”
Looking around blankly. “Uh, beats me…I thought it was all just a bunch of sand!” (Another hearty laugh)
“Can you give us an update on what the troops are doing? What is their mindset as they rebuild Iraq and continue to Establish Peace?”
Looks around blankly once again. “Hey what do I know? None of them like me very much….they keep calling me sissy boy and threatening to tie me to the front of the tank gun Peter. I’m telling you, these Marines are tough…”
“Uh, thank you for that riveting report, always interesting to ZZZZZZZzzzzzzz.”
At this point Peter Jennings falls asleep on air because
he actually forgot to go to sleep the past couple of months days. The
world watches as Peter snoozes on and nobody calls in to rat out the napping
cameramen or inform network folks that Peter is taking 30 winks on the
air because it would be the single most welcome sight on television since
this stupid war began.
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