Advice For Men
Editors
Note: Guys, we want to give you some heartwarming advice, seriously. Remember
a few months back all the news about that woman that ran over her husband
with a Mercedes because he was cheating on her?
Wrong. She didn’t give the guy permanent tire tracks because he
was boinking another woman, she took him out because HE was crazy. That’s
right. He was nuts, God rest his soul, he was bonkers....
TheWeeklyChuckle The reason we think the guy was nuts? That is easy. A week before she revved the engine and spun the wheels over his person, he sat her down and explained, get this, explained why the mistress was ‘better; than she was. He thought it necessary to point out that her body was big but the mistress had a ‘perfect body’. He also tore apart her general attitude (negative compared to Miss Optimist apparently). He reportedly went on and on about everything that was Wrong with his wife when compared to everything that was Right with the mistress.
Now, we put it to you guys: Does this sound like the actions of a sane man?
We thought not. What kind of whack job, idiot, crazy man tells his wife something like this? As if this were a Good Thing? The crazy man should have gotten a clue, had he been coloring inside the lines mentally speaking, when his spouse reacted to his critique by calmly taking notes on how he thought she improve herself.
Really.
Well, we hope that most of you guys would not be fooled by the note-taking ploy. Most men, with an IQ near or above room temperature, would quickly have figured out that writing a neat little memo of:“Get breast implants” was chick code for: “Kill the Bastard The First Chance I Get.”
To say that the dead man’s actions were cruel would be putting it mildly. They were beyond cruel. Cruel is when you are 17 and you leave your nice loyal, does your chemistry homework for you girlfriend for the bitch cheerleader because she was More Popular and carried pom-poms upon occasion. That’s cruel. But you learn. You go to college, fall hopelessly in love with some pouty, undeserving French girl who smokes too much, prefers alternative poetry and then dumps you with no explanation or warning. And if this happens enough times eventually you figure out what a jerk you are. So, when you go home for summer break (senior year; you surely never learned this lesson before your senior year), you get up the courage to call that ex girlfriend with arrogant expectations that she’s still carrying a Mega Torch For You. Imagine when you find out that, lo and behold, she has trouble remembering your name and no, she’s really not interested in getting together for old time’s sake because she’s busy planning her wedding to some titled Italian quasi-nobleman/Euro race car driver/heir to billions son of mega winery owner.
The point is, if you have even half a brain, you eventually learn not to be such a heartless bastard. At the very least, you figure out by reading the news about guys like the one we just mentioned that if you are going through a typical midlife crisis you are going to pay. And pay and pay and pay. Meaning when you get caught, you aren’t going to hand your wife an impossible to achieve self improvement list, you are going to be a Real Man and hand her divorce papers.
Which brings us to the point: If you persist in being a complete and total heartless bastard, someday your significant other will run you over with the good car, the Mercedes. Not the beat up old Honda you forced her to drive so you could pick up chicks, but you will lose your life whilst UNDER the Nice Car.
Something to keep in mind next time your girlfriend offers to do your chemistry homework.
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