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More advice for the undead, quasi-human and all too human:
Angel: Don’t ever get too…human, please. We like it when you lose your soul. Do it more often as nasty is as nasty does. Besides, you never got over The Buffster now did you?
Cordelia: Father…son…father….son. Good…bad…good…bad. Sheesh. Make up your mind already. Connor is too young and Angel too old for you. Come to think of it, we liked you way better when you weren't struggling with these cosmic boy toy issues. You were way more fun when your biggest worry was if the Prada pumps you had on complimented your outfit. Please. A little less angst and a little more superficial cheerleader bitch Cordy, please.
Gunn: You are too hot to be lusting over a, God dare we say it? Physicist, there we said it. And this no matter how thin and nice she is. Now go pick up that sword and crossbow and kick some demon ass.
Fred: Wesley? Are you serious? You just blew it with one of the hottest guys around. You spent way too much time in that cave apparently. Get a grip.
Connor: We get why you liked doing the quasi-demonized chick, we really do. However, you are young, slightly non-human and have your entire vicious limb tearing, blood lusting life ahead of you. Chicks really dig sociopath, kill everything in your path behavior in a guy, trust us on this. There are many other dimensions and scores of other…..females that will treat you so much better.
Wesley: How you went from a bumbling doofus Watcher to a dark, slightly kinky SOB is beyond us though we’ve never had our throat slit so what do we know. Anyway, being a jerk is really working for you. Don’t go all nicey nice trying to win Fred however.
Lila: You are supposed to be dead, right? Finally. About time. And you never got to do Angel now did you? HAHAHAHHAHHA. Evil isn’t always hot enough to get or keep the guy now is it? Spend eternity burning in hell thinking about that why don’t you. .
Loren: Kermit the frog was right. It ain’t easy being green. That being said, no matter what they are saying on the inter-dimensional grapevine, we don’t think you are gay, just a whole lot of fun. You overcame your frightful childhood plus, look better than an Oakland pimp in primary colored silk suits and to top it off, you not only have a great singing voice but perfect pitch. You are a catch dude, really. Maybe one of these eons things will slow down enough for you to get yourself a girlfriend.
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