Opinion: Hobbit Rebel With a Cause?
Some Obsessions Are Less Harmful Than Others....My Precious
If you listen to all the performances of LOTR Fellowship actors, you will note everyone, save for the rebellious Mr. Boyd, affects a vaguely English accent. Not a difficult task for the genuinely English among them (Sean Bean, John Rhys-Davies , Orlando Bloom, Dominic Monaghan). And not a stretch for Viggo Mortensen (who, while residing in America, is still vaguely European by birth, experience and that messy yet casual personal style he prefers to affect). Note from the women staffers of TLL.net: THEY DON’T MIND AT ALL. Recall the third rule of The Scottish Geisha’s Guide to Claiming Your True Nationality: Nobody can claim to be an annoyingly genuine American and also be multi-lingual which Mortensen is; he speaks Spanish and Dutch as well as English. For you first generation Americans, don’t get your burkas, turbans or saris in a twist, Exemption Seventeen covers you all. You are still all Truly American as long as your kids consume junk food, listen to terrible music and think their parents are idiots.) Anyway, even Sean Astin and Elijah Wood managed to sound indistinctly Union Jack. So, this begs the question The Scottish Geisha put to Nick L., what IS IT with that Scottish actor anyway?
Nick L. was curiously reassuring: “Don’t blame it on him. It’s his entire country, poor lad. All of Scotland absolutely refuses to speak English. The actor is just being nationalistic.”
Really. The Scottish Geisha had to ponder this. She put some considerable effort into this despite her busy schedule. Meanwhile, The Scottish Geisha has to hand it to Kiwi Peter Jackson for allowing the lone Scottish actor his…artistic freedom to babble his way through both LOTR and TTT somewhat incoherently. Well, not to fellow Scots of course, The Scottish Geisha is assured that the entire population of Scotland continues to be coherent to each other. The Scottish Geisha is further assured, after watching LOTR and TTT, a number of times that Mr. Boyd was truly funny and talented in his role at Hobbit Pippin Took. We need to get this fact out in the open lest Mr. Boyd read this and have a sudden urge to channel the bloodthirsty ghost of Robert The Bruce. They gave him a sharp, shiny sword (and knife) as we recall. History teaches us that it doesn’t do to anger a Scot. Just look at what they did to the English.
Perhaps this is why Nick L. seemed well….a tad bit bitter. The Scots thoroughly trounced the British, against overwhelming odds, right out of their country, in fact. The Scottish Geisha would know this because she has seen Mel Gibson’s Braveheart two and a half times.
Perhaps, mused the Scottish Geisha, the Scots are simply making an historical point. Yes, that must be it. Here is a fine theory for a cloudy day: Kiwi Peter Jackson (fluent in Scottish apparently), allowed Mr. Boyd to speak in his native tongue throughout the entire trilogy and therefore send a very strong subliminal message to the Brits:
Try and Come Back To Scotland And We Will Not Only Beat The Bloody Snot Out of You Again But We Will Force You All to Speak Just Like Us…
Come to think of it, when watching LOTR and TTT, one might well come to the conclusion that it doesn’t do to piss off a Hobbit either…
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